we have pet lesbian snakes
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
