just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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