I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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