he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
