I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
