At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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