Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize