Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I didn't notice because vodka
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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