She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
