So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
