The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
