You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
