I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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