I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
