I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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