You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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