Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
