i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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