Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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