We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
