I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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