my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
