just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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