Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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