They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
