hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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