Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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