I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
