Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
