Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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