im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
