Dude my mom stole all your condoms
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
