Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
