This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
