Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
