its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize