The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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