it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
