What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
