i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
