nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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