You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i now understand why vodka
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize