so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
