Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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