Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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