Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
