This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
im calling her cock vulture from now on
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think we might need a safe word for this...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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