The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i think i just lost a toe
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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