i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
