1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
