I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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