Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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