I showed him my bush... on skype.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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