Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I need to align my fucking chakras
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
