If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
