that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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