Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
