It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I party with great urgency now.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
