I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
