Well douche your snatch and let's go!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
