I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
