just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
