is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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