sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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