Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
