You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
