I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have tasted many bathrooms
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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