I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
