I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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