I think I won the penis lottery.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
