I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
